I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
