I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
