Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
