Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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