I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
