it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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