Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
