It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
