He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
