I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
