how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
