last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
