it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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