i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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