I smell stomach acid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
