Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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