I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
