Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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