I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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