I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
