Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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