: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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