So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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