Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
