Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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