I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize