Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can text with my tongue
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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