it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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