I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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