Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Text me some of your sweat
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
