you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
