i think my mom watched the whole time
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
