I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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