the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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