so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
