I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
