Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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