i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize