So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize