So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
