i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
