I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
