apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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