Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
