I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
