We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
