oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
