I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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