I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
