see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
