Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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