Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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