Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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