I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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