so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
