Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
