I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
