Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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