forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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