I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
