No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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