I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
