I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
