When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
