when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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