I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
