I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
